Love. Death. And what Tango has to do with it all.

(5-minute read)

by Estelle Olivares

Trained Dancer, Certified Fitness Nutrition Expert, Lifelong Vitamin/Herb Nerd, Wellness Coach

The recent passing of the Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh was followed within days by the passing of a very dear friend to one of my sisters.  

For some reason, after sending loving words and so much love to my sister, my mind went to Tango and the balance of the two sides.  

I think because I have been reading some of Thich Nhat Hanh’s words about love - the completeness of love.

And perhaps because in death, the completeness of life can finally be recognized and honored and so fully loved.   

 ‘…but it’s not love; it’s Tango.’

In Tango, there is something complete in the connection we make with our dance partners. 

I remember seeing a very clever poster for a milonga once that had a ‘disclaimer’ at the bottom. 

Something to the gist of: ‘Warning: Tango can bring about euphoric feelings that might lead one to believe they are in love, but it is not really love; It’s Tango’. 

I’m completely paraphrasing but that is essentially what it said.  My marketing experience has made it to be what you have just read.  Bwah ha ha.... Welcome to Estelle’s world, ha ha!  

I digress.  My thoughts brought to mind the image of the yin yang: the black fish with the white eye and the white fish with the black eye, and the way they fit perfectly together to make a circle.  Yet they maintain their perfectly defined edges of themselves.  This is such a beautiful representation of Tango and of the circle of life, containing all the facets of life, including love and of course, death.   

 Both sides work together to feel, dance and interpret the music.  

One of the things I have come to realize and appreciate with Tango is how important the two defined sides of the dance partnership are and why it feels so meaningful.  

In time, as one learns the dance, the follower certainly learns to express her power and her voice, yet there must still remain the yin and receptive nature of that side of the dance.  

In time, the leader must learn to soften the frame in order to allow for the dynamic changes that ultimately make the nuances of the dance so delicious.  

But the lead must maintain the yang and bold energy that defines that side of the partnership.  Otherwise, it is like having a boat with no captain, or perhaps a boat with no wheel, no sense of direction.  

The follower can and may sometimes help with navigational guidance in the case of imminent collision.  

Both sides work together to feel, dance and interpret the music.   But it is primarily the leader offering the pace and tone of the dance and the follower accepting the invitation of each step.  

Naturally, each side will work to ‘save face’ every once in awhile - covering small missteps that no one would even notice except for the two people sharing the moment - no dance is perfect.  

It is an illusion of the highest order if it seems to be so perfect and without any errors.  Only the two dancers will know where they might have expressed something differently.  

And isn’t this how tango is like life?  

Always striving to be better.  

Better at communication, which naturally includes listening and being open to seeing all sides.  

Practicing non-attachment to any one idea or object.  Being fully present with the people in your life and especially to those whom you allow to be part of your inner circles.  

Allowing oneself to be strong and yet soft and allow for mistakes and cover for your partner the way they cover for you sometimes.  

By allowing the leader to be the bold side, the yang, making the main directional decisions, offering the invitation to step that ultimately only allows for one choice, the follower can be the other, complete side of the circle; the yin, the receptive softness that is confident in her movements and in her body, ultimately completing the vision of the whole.  

Ultimately and together, in Tango we can feel the completeness of life, including Death and of course, Love.   

 Tango is the dance that best captures the complexities and nuances and passions of the human condition

I believe I am gaining some clarity as to why I feel so connected in my heart and in my body to this dance.

What I felt in my first lesson so many, many years ago: It pulled on my heart and I thought, what is this dance?  I must learn it.  I must know it and feel it in my body. 

Those thoughts and feelings have continued to drive me to learn, and ultimately to learn it well enough to teach others and to share this passion. 

It is a dance that is best learned in person because it has to be felt, not only by the student but by the teacher, in order to give the best direction within the learning process. 

It is a dance of, by and for the people.  It has been handed down, generation after generation, in person, in this way. 

And while other dances most certainly have the ability to exalt and delight one’s soul; for me, Tango is the dance that best captures the complexities and nuances and passions of the human condition. 

Love, sadness, drama, deceit, anger, frustration, joy, and ultimately euphoric transcendence. 

It makes us laugh and it makes us cry for all of the reasons this life is so very beautiful. 

It fills us and allows us to feel close to the completeness our hearts and souls strive for.   

Enjoy!  Dance.  Love.  LIVE your life in AWE. 

Estelle & the HFD Team